Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
