You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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