he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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