the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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