does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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