well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's shark week go big or go home
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
