The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
