I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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