I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
