I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
