I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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