Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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