girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
