the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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