Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
