I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sry I called you an 8
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize