apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
