eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
