I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize