well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
