im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
