What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
