i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
