How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
