So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
