i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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