I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
