just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
