Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
