The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
