My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
