Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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