it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
