I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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