I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
