she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
