My friends, they love my intelligence
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
