I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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