i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
