..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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