you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
