You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
