what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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