i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
