Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
