just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
