Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
