nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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