I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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