i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
