I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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