Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
