I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
