Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize