ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i now understand why vodka
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize