You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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