I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
