You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
