Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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