I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
