We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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