pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
