Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
