I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
