Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
