I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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