Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
