I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
