Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
