one two three fourrrrnication!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
