he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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