i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Houston, we have a blender
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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