Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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