Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
