need another drink. this is the easiest way
My nipple is on Facebook.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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