Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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